I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
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he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
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We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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