We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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