I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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