Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You have to summon your inner elephant
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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