We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
