I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
