worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
