Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I deserve this hangover.
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