You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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