She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
