now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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