Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
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