Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
