Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
