11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I AM VODKA MAN
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
