Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The air was thick with penises
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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