textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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