If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
