Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
