Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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