Sponge bath it is.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
