hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
