you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
