the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My life is pants optional.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
