hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
