I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
