I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
