Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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