i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
