u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
