it hurts more in the daytime
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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