just tell him i said nine months
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
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We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
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There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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