I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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