they need to just BURY HIM!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
