I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
