I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
