I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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