I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize