Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just found a bag of teeth...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
