I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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