So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
