I want to walk on stilts...naked
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize