The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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