I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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