I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize