Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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