Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
