saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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