i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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