Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
