I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
God I need to hump something, right now.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
