Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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