yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Send help, water and tortillas.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
