I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
