You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Rumble strips road head = magical
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
