I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
