I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
