You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
