I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
