Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
