well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
