look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
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I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
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Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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