So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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