nut hugger
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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