I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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