im drinking this country out of the recession.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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