Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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