It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
