i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize