she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
