I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
