I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
