first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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