I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
not ubering you a puppy
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
