P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Dear god my vagina.
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